my first sem is OVER!!!

YESH YESH YESH.

well being the lazy bum i am,

im too lazy to blog about my detailed life in pengkalan chepa..

maybe next time..

currently having my sem break.

it's almost over and i realize...

1) I'm getting old (not a new thing)

2) I treasure every seconds ticking at home (more than before)

3) Try to accomplish as many things as I can at home before sem break is over

4) I love sem break cause it's the only time I don't have to study

5) I matured a little than before (I think)

6) I'm tired of people saying I look OLD (sigh.)

7) I don't want to go back for 2nd sem. (unfortunately, it's not an option)

almost everyone said they're boring at home

well just not me

i felt miserable counting the days i have to go back

to face the books that torture my poor forgetful brain.

please let everything to be

more smooth the next sem...

when i worked hard for something

and the result doesn't satisfy me...

i feel disappointed and thought,

"Maybe I should take it easy. Why put all my effort and get disappointed and sad later? If I didn't work that hard at least I could blame on it later rather than moping about my own stupidity.."

i feel worse when people who didn't put more effort than me could do better.

that makes me think I'm stupid.

or maybe I am.

I just need to admit my intelligence is so limited

and I should try harder to stop comparing or

feel jealousy envious of other people.

It doesn't help when people get more credits than I do when I'm the one who did most of the things.

I know. Life is not fair.

I learnt that long ago..

and I still couldn't accept it.

Why is God giving me all these tests...

to prepare me for greater things?

Cause I don't think I could handle anymore

after so many years of 'training'.

Something to comfort myself,

There won't be a winner if there's no loser.

There's no success if there's no failure.

There's no happiness if there's no sadness.

There's no laughter if there's no tears.

maybe my existence is to enrich other people's life

and I'm getting sick of it.

this feeling is killing me.

and hence my new year resolution,

to be contented and more happy.

most of the time i blog, it would be something sad/emo/depressing

sometimes i blame it on my month of birth - March (Pieces).

always emotional.

i felt so lost. Again.

i need some guidance.

although i kept telling myself to be happy....

i just can't.

the happiness just won't last.

i became lazy again.

started to slack off and online..

staring the laptop doing nothing.

i hope this ends soon and

starts to study. exam is on 1st Jan 2012..

what am i doing?

wake up girl...

suddenly i felt my life is so fucked up

maybe it's time of the month to be emotional.

nothing is going well..

i have to tolerate with some people

which i can't understand why God is testing my patience

wherever i go. is this some kind of training or punishment?

i have my period today in the middle of the lecture..

i have my period pain

it rain till semi-flooded today (wrong timing)

i have my BioD midterm this coming Tuesday morning

i learnt that i could actually lie...well WHITE LIES.

there's no water in my hostel

i get to take my bathe at only 10+pm.

i can't wash my clothes.

and most of all......

i got a call.

to inform that Min Min my hamster escaped from house.

How?

no one knows.

how the door has gap suddenly?

maybe Min Min just wanted to get away cause he knows his time is going to be up soon.

how silly of him...

i didnt even get to see him yet

just got the news he's extremely thin and fur-less.

before this..i thought i will be fine if i ever hear this bad news..

but no..eventually my tears fell. crap.

my life is definitely messed up once again.

why? my karma?

been with us since

September 13th 2009

till December 11th 2011.

with us for 2 years 2 months and 28 days..

I'm sorry for not being the best owner.

I know you're sick.

Maybe this is the best solution for you.

I somehow hope you'll be fine.

Wherever you are now,

I hope you're happy.

If you reincarnate, I hope the best for you.

My one and only

♥ Min Min ♥

please be well..

feel so useless

feel so unwanted

feel so unimportant

feel so lost

feel so purposeless in life

feel so stupid

feel like crying

feel like vanishing into thin air

used to feel people who commit suicide is so stupid

but not anymore.

i think they are brave in a way.

they might have their reasons.

i just need to sleep it off.

i think i will be fine..

just felt like screaming out profanities and all the harsh words

well, the thing is i don't and i won't

yeap, bottle everything up to suffer myself ==

maybe cause i'm having flu now..

a sick me is a sensitive me = irrational me. SHIET

which means even a slight thing annoys me to death.

i really need to be alone now.

quiet and peace surrounding

where i can listen to my songs and just feel better bout everything.

i want and need some privacy time..

im so used to be alone.

UGH

be considerate please?

things i couldn't control

or even imagined...

still, i have to continue.

i'm tired of thinking,

i'm just going with the flow.

whatever comes,

i will try my best to face it.

I hope God plans well for me.

life seems more like a game,

i will keep on survive.